hard things that suck

In a recent interview People magazine asked Tom Cruise what the least favorite part of his workout was and he replied "All of it. It's brutal. I feel good when done, but not during. "

Ignore for the moment the fact that I am quoting Tom Frickin' Cruise (and in People magazine, nonetheless), and I think we can all agree that there might be something to what Mr. Chisel-Nose is saying. 

See, I read that little tidbit because People magazine was just about the only reading material available on the set of a film I was working on today. Around mid-afternoon, I decided to drive home and when I got there, it was just about time for my own workout - which I, too, hate. As I sat there in my art room, pumping iron and getting... not huge, but a little less skinny... I thought to myself, "you know what? I really, really hate this. If it wasn't for those ten, rippling pounds I committed myself to trying to gain, I would not be doing this right now." 

So I thought about hard things that suck. I thought about some of those hard, sucky things - things like working out - that I do because I have a goal - a goal that will not be realized unless I work to make it a reality. 

I thought as well about how there are also hard things that suck and don't get me to a goal - things like trying not to break down crying when I am talking to my son over the phone because it makes me start thinking about how I cannot give him the stable, unbroken home of my dreams. Now that sucks, and I have no pithy answers. All I know is that when I read earlier today about Tom Cruise hating his workout, I thought, "yer dang skippy, Tom-Tom. And if you - who spend your whole life trying to look pretty - hate doing it... well, maybe it's okay if I struggle, too." 

No pithy answers. Not today. Today, there is nothing but hope... hope, and the belief that by sharing my broken heart, you, too, will find a little more strength for another hard, sucky thing.